regularfeatures posts
Posts: 496
Files: 922
473: Stephen Hendry's Piss Bunker
Hello lovely patrons!Here is another episode of Regular Features that literally only exists because of you. That sounds like a joke but it is true actually because without your kind and generous support we just wouldn't be able to do this podcast.And you can take that to the bank!Love you loads,...
472: Samus Aran's Umpteenth Mince Pie
Hello patrons! It's me again, the podcast. Hi.From our screaming throats to your hungry ears, it's another episode of Regular Features, the only podcast that's got us in it.In this episode, Joe chronicles the greatest number you've never heard about unless you read the episode title....
471: Betty White is Dead.
Betty White is dead. We don't talk about that in the podcast at all. I'm only putting this here cause it just happened and I was hoping that someone finds out she's dead by reading this.Imagine that.Imagine your grandkids asking you "Grandmas...dos yous remembers hows yous founds out...
470: Hello Is This A Elf
Happy Crambleneir patrons!In sihd shhue cramblrmhotj, Joem cmrma a visit vfrom "Secret Santana". Gav hoesgojs anfs an incident with a DDP courier. Amd Steve, well, he gocrob a charades qjid quid quiz caled charades.Thank you for all your support this year. We legit love you readers, and we w...
469: Zim's Big Bloranges, With Kevin the Virus
If I had one guess, I'd guess you're stuck in a pipe. Look at you, all stuck in that pipe. I bet you want some grease, don't you? You little pipe rat! Little pipe rat want some grease. Well NO, no grease.Not until you've listened to Joe wonder about the etymology of Plemons. And cert...
468: The British Kebab Awards Special
A mere 5 weeks after the fact, it's finally here – a comprehensive run-down of everything that Gav and Joe got up to at our favouite awards ceremony, The Kebabbies. Marvel as we almost get turned away, gasp at Gav's reactions to those who don't share his political leanings, and turn of...
467: Not The Kebab Awards Episode But Still Good
Heya patrons xxWe're sorry, but this is not the hotly anticipated kebab awards episode. That's happening next week now. There was a small legal issue we had to iron out involving, well, a kebab, naturally, plus so much libel it would make a judge's powder wig whizz out of the courtroom w...
466: Playground Sultan Splinter Cell
Heeeeyyyy patrons. Teehee! How are you doing?Make no bones about it, it's episode 466 of the Regular Features podcast. Hey, you in the back there with the bones, what are you making? A diorama of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand? Oh okay. You're definitely not making bones about...
465: Squid Judge Nurse Squid
Three men enter the arena. Three men leave. It's fine in the arena. Nothing bad happens. One man has an ache in his shoulder, but he had that before he went into the arena. He thinks he may have slept on it. Good arena!HEY. In this episode, Log hypnotises a nurse into doing a Fred Durst into her...
464: Watch Out Behind You Superman, It's Scream!
Happy Sunday to you, patrons, our dear dear patrons. Oh god we love you.In this episode, Log goes hands-on with Superman's newfound sexuality. Steve goes pants-off when his French horn lessons are interrupted by Scream himself. And Gav is open-mouthed as he brings us a thrilling update from the ...
463: Squash My Riverdance Hacker
Giddy up, patrons, because it's another episode of this freakin' thing we do.In this one, Steve's Discord account got hacked by spooks. Log is going to reclaim his rightful title of Lord-or-Lady of the Dance. And Joe debuts the latest instalment in the long running series of interactive ...
462: The Big British Kebab Awards Preview Special
As we have done every year for the last 9 years, Gav and Joe are sitting down for an extensive, exhaustive, extremely good talk through this year's British Kebab Awards. Who will win chef of the year? Why is there no garlic/chilli award? Will Alfred Molina endorse us? All of this and more in a v...
461: Poison Wasp Mount
HELLO PATRONS xxxxAs people who absolutely freakin' love magpies always say: one for joy, two for joy, three for joy, four for joy, five for joy, six for joy, seven for joy, eight for joy. Nine? Ah what the heck, that's for joy that is. Ten is also for joy, why not. And eleven to boot! Twelv...
460: Sock Horror Flashback
Patrons!!? There's no time to waste. In this episode Joe concocts his very own VHS cassette horror anthology. Steve reports his very own fading feature memories. And Log purports his very own sock tipperies and trickories.Is that even what purports means? There's literally no time to google ...
459: What If John Grant Curry
Howdy pardners. It's us again.Now. What if you dragged a big wet carrier bag full of lukewarm biryani to a concert? What if you had a nice time at a spa? What if you watched yet another Marvel TV show in the hope that maybe this one, THIS one, might be good?Only Regular Features can answer all t...
458: Richard Simmons' Melancholy Watch
Get this reader on the table, we need to operate NOW! Nurse, pass me a syringe full of Matt forgetting if he's ever owned a watch. I'm going to make a two-inch incision and insert Joe griping about his comedy heroes being sad about death. WE'RE LOSING THEM. We're going to have to do ...
457: Episode One Redux
Hey patrons! Get a load of THIS one.The three original feature boys return for a very special reunion episode, never to be repeated, just like that time The Beatles went up on the roof and refused to come down until Linda McCartney invented frozen vegan sausages.Matt revisits his thoughts on Torchwo...
456: Panic in the Discord
Hello, you beautiful patrons!Thanks so much for all your massive support, your direct contributions mean that we can make podcasts like the above that will live on long after we and everyone we know are dead.What a comforting though.Team Featch x
How to Get Access to the Beehive
Hello bees.Welcome and thank you for joining our beautiful hive.The best/only way to access the Beehive is to connect your Discord account to your Patreon profile page here. Once those are connected, you should see the Discord server when you open Discord.If you have any problems, please drop us a m...
455: 10th Anniversary Special
According to the big Regular Features egg-timer on the roof, it's been exactly ten years since we invented podcasting. To celebrate, we've given ourselves a facelift. The unparalleled Sonny Ross has created new podcast art. The Patreon has an exciting new tier. And as for us? Well, we're...
454: Staring Into The Fridge
The snap of the magnet releasing its psychic grip, the brief peel of tacky rubber, the delighted squeak of the hinges, a rush of cold air, a waft of something green, the chemical tinge of a bad houmous, a row of eggs watches on. This is it baby, you've opened the fridge for a look.In this episod...
453: Self-Isolating Muntjac Chair
Did you know Kenny Rogers came up with the line "you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em" while he was doing his laundry, it's true ask anyone.Anyway! In this episode, Log gets imprisoned in his home by an NHS, Steve challenges the boys to a spelling contes...
452: Tuna Spank
Patrons, you must be at least THIRTY FIVE years old to read this:Here at Regular Features, we like to push boundaries. That's why we're the first podcast to ever discuss BDSM without giggling or being sick into the microphone. In this episode, Log talks about hardcore leather strap velcro ki...
451: Soil My Gigi Hadid
Hello there patrons, how ARE you?Have you ever wondered how we learned how to do all of our incredible comedy accents? Well in this episode, we'll teach you how! Log is offering every reader a free taster of our five day accent school, which will turn YOU from a "croikey doikey wadda crocodi...
450: The Blimp Episode
Hmm, how can we put this delicately? Well... blimp.
449: Simon Callow Euro Egg
Hey patrons!In this hot little potato wedge of an episode, Joe remembers what it was like back before politics and games journalists ruined E3 and it was all about good, old fashioned eggs. Matt remembers what it was like when it when a hundred million Pikmin were crushed underneath a Ronaldo. And S...
448: Castaway Spider Tofu
Want to feel old? Put your dad's big shoes on and walk around the house saying "where did I put my mortgage in this, the year 1978".Then listen to Gav discuss the finer points of classic survival-comedy Castaway, which was released in 2000 and challenged a pre-9/11 America to wonder what...
447: Secret Pirate Island
Hey Patreons! I'm on a secret pirate island now, sorry!! Sorry everyone.In this one, Steve gets his coronavirus vaccination. Joe, desperate to keep up with Steve's trailblazing lifestyle, gets HIS vaccination too. Then Log launches a Regular Features podcast network, just to keep you on your...
446: Wretched Skrebel Fragrance
Hello Patrons! Heyyyyy. Hi. Okay.In the name of podcast innovation, we've switched to releasing new episodes at random intervals so you NEVER know when you're gonna get slapped around the ears with our demanding, wet voices. (No not really — sorry, things have been hot and intense these pa...
445: We Don't Know Who Needs To Hear This
Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Now imagine it's a speedboat, and you've broken every maritime law there is, and you're on the run from the boat police. Now stop, calm down. None of this is happening, and you're listening to Regular Fe...
